Archive for the 80s Category

Turtle Power: First Impressions of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles show

Posted in 80s, Cartoons, Comic Books, Entertainment with tags , , , , , , on February 17, 2013 by Brandon Melendez

(This post originally featured at Eat Your Serial)

I’ve gotta admit, I’m a snob. My Ninja Turtles are the real Ninja Turtles and nothing is ever going to change that. The four colored amphibians of my youth are the end all and be all of Turtle canon. ‘Nuff said. Even as a kid, it kinda rubbed me the

wrong way that in the live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, someone seemed to have skewed some of the facts about the Boys of Pizza. Particularly, the origin of Splinter…but that movie was pretty amazing overall and I just accepted that sometimes movies are going to get it wrong.

This was the way I lived my life (my life as a Turtles Fan that is), or at least it was until I was a teenager and I was able to get my hands on some of the original Mirage Studios stories that started the franchise. To my shock and surprise, that first printing of Ninja Turtles was almost exactly the bare bones story of the movie (softened somewhat to have less stabbing of the Shredder). So, shocked was I by this revelation that I started to reconsider all sorts of things in my life. I grew my hair out, picked up a guitar, and started writing songs to express the anguish in my heart.

Several years later, after I had time to heal, there was a cartoon out again called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which touted the Heroes on the Half-shell for a new generation. I was glad to accept this show fully into my heart. The designs were simplistic, yet meaner looking, and the Turtles actually had a bit more attitude, but April was more like her comics counterpart and Casey Jones played a large role in the show, which I really liked. The popularity of this show was followed by a movie that actually (somewhat) continued the narrative of the show and comics of my youth in the simplistically named TMNT. Though computer animated, the movie was action packed and fun. But, in the end, neither of these interpretations really captured the light-hearted ninja romps of my childhood.

When the second-generation TMNT show was wrapping up, the creators culminated the show with a crossover entitled “Turtles Forever” that served as a crossover between the 1 first-generation cartoon and the second. I have to admit that I was giddy and excited (even as a married man with a child on the way) to watch this movie when it came out as a Saturday morning special. It was done well, with due deference to the zany and outlandish campiness of my Turtles while also showing the softness of the new ones in respect to the source material, as the movie involved the Turtles of multiple dimensions joining forces to stop a common Super Shredder. It was fun.

Then, recently, some rumblings started coming of a new totally CGI Ninja Turtles cartoon around the same time as the now scrapped and back to square one Michael Bay movie was announced. With what we were all hearing about the Michael Bay joint, it was fair to assume that the planned cartoon on Nickleodeon was going to be just as misguided, and many of my fellows in the Cult of Splinter took an immediate adversarial perspective on it. We didn’t like the character designs, we didn’t like the theme music, and we didn’t like the original Raphael voicing Donatello. No sir, we didn’t like it.

But, I have to admit that after having just watched the first episode, it’s pretty good. I endorse it as a part of the legacy of the Turtles. It was a fun romp, full of referential Turtle humor that was respectful of the older generation and fully accessible to neophyte kids ready to cry for merch. It was well written, with action and humor, and good pacing for an hour-long pilot episode. Both my two-and-half-year-old son and me were engaged by this treat on a Saturday morning. The animation was actually good and the full CGI looks good. Everything was well done and enjoyable, from Splinter’s shadowy design, the Shredder’s voice (though while we’re on the subject, the original Raphael/Yakko Warner voicing Donatello is a little off-putting at first). There are infusions from the comics, the original and newer cartoon, and the movies—but only enough for familiar elements. This show seems to have an approach and spirit all its own. If you were wary of the show’s authenticity…well, it might still tank, but judging by the first episode, as a Turtle Head all my life, I endorse it. Give it a shot. If you love and understand the wide interpretations of Turtles throughout the franchise’s history, you’re bound to appreciate the show.


Turtle Power!


Marriage– IT’S A TRAP

Posted in 80s, Entertainment, movies, star wars with tags , , , on January 26, 2013 by Brandon Melendez

nerd'seye its a trap bikini

Nerd’s Eye Review: The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck by Don Rosa

Posted in 80s, Cartoons, Comic Books, Entertainment, movies, Nostaligia, Saturday Morning Cartoons, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2012 by Brandon Melendez

Normally, it’s fair to say that I stick to the tights and capes genre of comic book reading. With the exception of the stray Vertigo title ( Y: The Last Man, 100 Bullets) or some cultural touchstone, probably written by Alan Moore (and arguably some form of tights and capes at that!), I don’t venture out of this corner of the industry. That isn’t to say that I’m not interested…in fact of late I have been making major stride to broaden my exposure and see if’n the other areas are of interest to me. In seeking this out, I came to some good advice about reading faire from a friend of mine, Nick Newert (director, AV guy, and Copy editor extraordinaire) to read Don Rosa’s “The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck”.

At first, when he first proposed this sometime back, I was reluctant; not because it wasn’t the capes and tights genre but rather because it was a Disney Comic. With other pressing matters at hand, and a lack of time to track down and read this volume of tales cataloguing the rise of the world’s richest duck, it sat in the back burner of my mind. Now, I have had many a heated discussion about the tights and capes genre with Mr. Newert, and besides respecting his intelligence, I respect his taste in comics (almost a higher, if-not-equal compliment IMO) so when there was a little bit more space in my life for comic book reading again I made sure that his suggestion was on my pull list.

I don’t know why I waited so long. All of my reluctances over the quality of art and writing in the comic due to my perception of what would be acceptable in a Disney book were assuaged almost immediately. The volume develops the character of Scrooge McDuck from a wee lad of 10, earning his #1 Dime in Glassgow, Scotland to the wealthy, tightfisted, and cantankerous old duck that the world has come to know as Uncle Scrooge with humor, intelligence, and a sophistication that appeals to both adult and child readers.  For example: in the first chapter “Of Dimes , Ducks, and Destinies” Magica De Spell (that evil sorceress duck with the haircut that my wife had in her senior yearbook photo) travels back in time to steal Scrooge’s #1 dime (as is her M.O.). As part of fitting into the scenery she uses a spell to don clothing more appropriate to the time period—a duck is sitting in a nearby window having a drink from a brown bottle. This duck might not be suspicious at first, but after De Spell’s clothing have changed an arm is seen reaching out of the window pouring the drink to the ground. It is a simple, yet easy joke aimed more at an adult audience in acknowledgement in the fantastic nature of magic (if not anthropomorphic ducks and dogs) more so than children, despite their level of involvement with alcoholic hallucinations.

As a man born in the 1980’s I have an especially soft spot in my heart for Disney’s ducks as I was reared on a healthy diet of Duck Tales. The adventures of Scrooge, along with his grandnephews Huey, Dewey,and Louie and their most inept pilot, Launchpad McQuack are a cornerstone of my childhood. While I have somewhat less attachment to Donald (probably it only goes so far as the Dancing Donald Duck toy I had as a kid and my general predilection to incomprehensible sailor babble) I found it interesting that little effort is made in the comics to emulate his characterist “ducky” voice. His characterization, though limited in the long life span of his

miserly uncle (the tale spans 1877 to 1947) is interesting as I never really know what the hell he was saying before (perhaps Donald is only drunk in motion pictures). However, as characters like the afore mentioned De Spell,

it is interesting to see how they operate in different contexts. Additionally, I found particular joy in guessing a largely unnamed Afrikaner Duck who played the role of villain in “The Terror of the Transvaal” was in fact McDucks arch nemesis Flintheart Glomgold, as well as reading the formation of the Beagle Boys Gang in “The Master of The Mississippi”.

All in, reading the character of Scrooge develop from a 10 year old with a shoe-shine kid to an intrepid and adventurous teenager, to a hardened man of his twenties (stopping only to look for “tail” from Goldie O’Gilt –another character I remember from Duck Tales), all the way to a penny pinching, coin swimming, money bin hoarding, old man (duck) looking to connect with some family on Christmas Day is quite the ride; and a refreshing departure from my normal comics faire. The art, while maintaining the Disney character design and manual of style is remarkably dynamic, consistent, and relays at times the same amount of sophistication and humor as the writing does. “The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck” is a marvelous and fun read for any comic book fan and Don Rosa’s 1995 Eisner Award for it is well deserved, as is the 1997 Comic’s Buyers Guide Favorite Reprint award. I recommend it whole heartedly, and assert that anyone who can’t enjoy this comic book probably can’t enjoy comic books at all.

P.S. Finding out that Duckburg is located in Calisota, USA made me laugh. If only The Simpsons had come up with so simple a solution.

Nuff Said.

Where The Fuck Are My Books DC?

Posted in 80s, Cartoons, Comic Books, Entertainment, movies, Nostaligia, Saturday Morning Cartoons, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 18, 2011 by Brandon Melendez


As far as nerds go, you might consider that I am a markedly mellow one. Sure, I have a blog devoted to my nerdiness. Certainly, my office is crammed with thousands of comic books. Of course I have a chest containing 99.9% of the video games I ever owned. That is not the mark of my intensity—it is the quality of my pedigree. No, the mark of my intensity is the fact that I am not crippled by my nerdiness—I define it as opposed to the opposite. My life does not begin and end in my interests and endeavors—I have a profession, I have wife, I have two children, and a mortgage. My pursuits into the realms of fantasy and escapism have bounds and limits. Take this opening as a baseline for the comments that follow.


You see with fair and honest deference to the aforementioned intensity of my nerditude, I can only be pushed so far. In an attempt to continue the pursuit of my interests in a limited capacity I found myself at something of a crossroads. It became blaringly apparent that on a week to week basis I would no longer be able to afford myself the luxury of going to my local comic book provider, peruse the shelves and spend my customary eighty to one hundred and twenty dollars a week on comic books.

This became apparent in the late spring of 2010 when I began my masters. I made some provisions and was able to once every month or so drop twenty or thirty dollars on my vice, but this was small pittance for an almost insatiable habit. Fortunately, though I missed the large quantity of comics terribly, in a rigorous graduate program I had little (mind you that’s “little” not “no”) time for comic book reading. After completion of my course of study I found myself in the gleeful position of expecting a second child from my wife by years’ end and the coming responsibility of a mortgage payment. This was May 2011.

As luck would happen to have it May 2011 also saw the announcement of the “New 52” FROM Boss DiDio and Boss Lee over at DC Comics. I saw this as fortuitous. I would not really be bringing any money until September and that was when the new DCU or DCnU would be launched. It was fortuitous because it incidentally followed my birthday in late August and I knew I could count on my mother, even in my late twenties, to give me comic book money for my birthday. I decided it would be best to invest in a few subscriptions and at least I would know that I would have a meting out comic book escapism every week at regular intervals.

When the time came I subscribed to four titles and received a fifth free, as was the promotion at the time. I expected a week or two might pass before I started receiving comics in the mail. DC was even touting that a LIMITED NUMBER of first run number ones would be held for new subscription customers while supplies lasted. Hurrah, hope sprang up.

Weeks passed.

In mid-October I gave DC a call. They informed me that delivery took 6-8 weeks. I was dismayed as this was a long delay from release to reception on my part. I don’t live in Myanmar thirty-five years ago. This seemed like an incredible amount of time to wait for an issue to be delivered. I had actually ordered my subscriptions in late September, so I expected I might miss a few number ones, but certainly I expected second issues to arrive the week the came out. Wasn’t that the beauty of subscription service? The newspaper, People Magazine, and other periodicals come in a reasonable amount of time—why would comic books take so long? The idiot on the phone assured me that this was all explained to me when I ordered my subscriptions online. I walked through the process to double check that and I saw none of it. I will gladly stand corrected if someone can point out such an amazing wait disclaimer. I informed the moron on the line that I certainly would not have opted for the service if I thought that my comics would be 6-8 weeks late forever. The angry nerd in me came out. I hung up the phone having figured I had only two more weeks to wait for my comics to arrive.

More weeks passed.

It was now Halloween weekend. Lo and behold in my mailbox was Green Lantern number 3. I was confused. Certainly that comic book must have come out that week. It matter not that it was Saturday and comics are issued on Wednesday. I thrilled at receiving a new comic book. The imbecile I spoke to misinformed me—it took 6-8 for service to begin not for delivery. While still a long processing time the minute difference in explanation amounts to a very different matter. Regardless, I was now happy as my comic book service would now begin.

Two weeks passed.

After what I attributed to be a skip week two comics came in the mail. Superman and Batman. I was fine with two arriving in one week. If those books are on the same release week I could cope—it wasn’t ideal but it was something. The next week to my amazement Justice League number 3  arrived on Wednesday. WOOHOO! I read it with vigor.

I have not received any comics since then.  I know for a fact I should have received Action Comics number 3 two weeks ago, and probably should have received Green Lantern by now. The timing of these comics arrival is confusing and annoying to me. I am displeased with the accountability of DC with their delivery. I saw Action Comics number 3 in the goddamned supermarket the other day. THE SUPERMARKET. Why should I EVER see a comic book in the aisles of a third tier comic book vendor before my pre-paid subscription title is received?

So I pose the question—is this some plot? Is it a ploy to have me switch to an inferior digital model? It’s the only viable reason for a USPS based delivery of a comic book to be so inconsistent. It doesn’t take 6-8 weeks to process a mailing request if a digital copy can be delivered instantaneously. At least 2-3 would be a reasonable amount of time that I wouldn’t have wanted to wait but as I said…I’m mellow. This has me pissed.

I’m a life-long DC reader. By ordering directly from them, at a time when they are promising timeliness and accountability has turned me off incredibly from future dealings with subscription service (though I may give it a second shot should I get some money to do so—but probably with Marvel to see if it’s a consistent trend). So I ask:


More as this story develops.

Batman Right Guard Ad for DARK KNIGHT RISING

Posted in 80s, Cartoons, Comic Books, Entertainment, movies, Nostaligia, Saturday Morning Cartoons, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 1, 2011 by Brandon Melendez

As we all know Batman is the hero that Gotham needs not the one she deserves…however being the strongest doesn’t mean having the strongest body odor.


Vintage Nerd’s Eye View: Black People in Comics

Posted in 80s, Cartoons, Comic Books, Entertainment, movies, Nostaligia, Saturday Morning Cartoons, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on July 5, 2011 by Brandon Melendez

The following is a “proto-Nerd’s Eye View”. It was a note I posted in Facebook back in 2009. My punchy prose style ain’t what it should be but I thought that it was good enough to repost without editing. Enjoy


Anyone ever notice how black people in comics can look like anything the artist wants just so long as they meet one or two specific character design points? Case in point Lucas Bishop of the X-men (or formerly of the X-Men if you really want to get into it). Look at these pictures all of the same character.

How is that as long as you have a black guy with an M on eye (and not always the same eye) he’s Bishop? I mean I understand each artist is going to draw a fictional character differently and also that times dictate style but I mean this is a drastic difference. He’s not even the same complexion or build in all these adaptations.

I mean even Storm, while more reasonably different (as not all artists have an equal or even a good ability to render the female form) just really needs to be a buxom black woman with white hair.

It seems to me that this is a step beyond artistic integrity to a level of almost “they all look the same so who cares”. Which is of course true and should also only be applied to fictional asian characters in both comics and movies. On that note….wheres that Guy from Harold and Kumar…can we get him to play Goku, Ho Chi Min, and that asian kid that taught me geometry tricks?

Outdating Origins II: Attempts to Revise

Posted in 80s, Cartoons, Comic Books, Entertainment, movies, Nostaligia, Saturday Morning Cartoons on December 29, 2010 by Brandon Melendez

Spider-Man loves money-grab!

Let’s talk origins some more, shall we? All superheroes have their genesis—not their birth, not their creation, nor their conception—what I refer to is the character’s in-story motivation to be a hero. This is a story that usually we can pinpoint to an issue #1 if a character is being launched and not spun off of another storyline or title altogether, though often characters get their start in minor or passing roles in storylines and become immensely popular. Characters and groups such as Wolverine, Deadpool, Cable, (Cable and Deadpool!), X-Factor, (well, actually any character associated with the X-Men has at one point or another had their own title, spinoff, or mini), Supergirl, Robin, Magog, The Justice League, Black Cat, Mary Jane (I mean really do I have to continue after Mary Jane?!?)—the list goes on.   The issue here is, as discussed in an earlier blog, that sometimes origins have an expiration date—or at the very least a perceived expiration date.

Marvel has a generally good attitude about this sort of thing—generally they weed out their story continuity by simply omitting many or just –ahemOne Moment In Time and keep it moving. Often times these omissions are simply erased from existence without another mention or at least faded to a point of reference with no clear context. For example in the 1970’s Captain America became “disillusioned” with his government and discarded his mantle in lieu of the identity of “Nomad” (a man without a country). This was done in reference to a high elected U.S. government official resigning in disgrace. Of course the official in question was in the real world none other than President Richard Nixon. This of course becomes exceedingly anachronistic as a careful look at timelines puts the Marvel Universe’s current origin sometime in the year 2000-2002.

Before I continue I feel that it is necessary for me to explain my timeline claim. In my previous entry “Outdating Origins” I explained the crucial role of Magneto to the timing of the Marvel Universe vis-a-vi bridging World War II to the current era. Within that current era of time Spider-Man is the crucial timing lynch-pin, and also important to examine in this discussion (and also awesome). At the age of 15 Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider and despite all known science surrounding radiation, spider bites, and any permutation thereof was endowed with spider-powers and abilities allowing him to fulfill his fate as The Amazing, Spectacular, Sensational, Peter Parker: Spider-Man. Peter Parker, however, did not remain 15 for very long.

Stan Lee (citation needed)

As a matter of fact Spider-Man is only a high school student for the first 28 issues of Amazing Spider-Man. While Spider-Man is perpetually defined as being a young super-hero, he is in fact the first successful non-side kick teenaged superhero, his time spent as a high school student spans only his first appearance in Amazing Fantasy #15 in August 1962 to Amazing Spider-Man #28 in September 1965. Mind you, these are the golden times of the Marvel Universe; while Stan Lee was scribing Spider-Man he was also writing, creating, and spearheading the birth of the entire Marvel Universe (and presumably his corporeal children [citation needed]) creating or re-creating such iconic characters as featured in/with: Fantastic Four, X-Men, The Hulk, Iron Man, Daredevil, and the Avengers to name a few.

The distinct and defining difference between Spider-Man and almost all of these other characters lies in his age; with the exception of the original roster of X-Men they are all adults. While the X-Men have aged considerably since their debut and have had several generations of “new recruits” that has catapulted Cyclops, Jean Grey, The Beast, et al into, presumably, their mid-thirties Spider-Man holds the bench mark for timing. Until very recently the Marvel Universe’s Age of Superheroes on Earth-616 could be considered to about 15-16 years old as measured by the length of Spider-Man’s career.

This number is an estimate based on the happenings of Peter Parker’s life: graduating high school and college, the death of Gwen Stacy, droppi

Oy, bride or groom?

ng out of graduate school, getting married, having several different jobs including high school teacher, being separated from his wife a few times, losing a baby to a miscarriage, and working for Tony Stark. For these events to transpire we would have to assume some time had passed. Graduating College: 21. Dropping out of Graduate School: 23 or 24. Getting Married: 25, 26, 27. Other: 28-31,32 maybe.

It is arguable that many events have happened to other heroes over the decades long span of their serialization, and this is true, but few characters have had this span include age-defining milestones. The Fantastic Four debuted a full year before Spider-Man, but their milestones aren’t the same, nor do they have the lifecycle impacts of Spider-Man’s. Peter didn’t graduate early from high school or college—nor was he left back—which places him at an age of approximately 21 or 22 depending on his birthday. Spending a reasonable amount of time in graduate school right after college places him at about 23 or 24, depending on the amount of time he spent accruing monumental debt. The rest of the events are conjecture, but as an educated, married, man in his mid-twenties I I feel comfortable making some such conjectures. Likewise, up to this point in our discussion the X-Men aged at an equal-if-not-comparable pace.

This never happenned...or it did but nobody remembers...or something

(SPOILER ALERT: While the following is indeed comic book continuity now, if you have not read: Civil War, One More Day, Brand New Day, or One Moment In Time and plan on doing so…well you’ve already boosted my stats for the day so I don’t feel bad about you moving on to another installment of this blog or Letters to Jeremy… and neither should you!)

But this timeline was recently shortened, significantly. Following the events of Marvel’s Civil War, which saw the public self-unmasking of Spider-Man in the White House press room, life became difficult for Spider-Man. With all of his nemesis now aware of his true identity none-other-than the Kingpin puts a hit on everyone involved with his life and J. Jonah Jameson suffers a heart attack and sues Parker for fraud to the tune of millions of dollars. Eventually the hitmen catch Aunt May and the bullet meant for Mary Jane endangers this septuple-octogenarian’s life…again.

Cutting the story short (and saving those of you that disregarded the spoiler alert about $400 dollars worth of comics) Spider-Man and MJ make a deal with Mephisto to erase their marriage in exchange for Aunt May’s continued life, and the nullification of the world’s knowledge that he is Spider-Man. This opened up a new world of stories for Spider-Man in the Brand New Day arc and undid, probably the most definitive move Marvel had made in my life time (besides, maybe, revealing Wolverine’s origin in Origim but the impact is not the same).

In so doing Spider-Man was retconned back to about the age of 23, freshly dropped out of Grad School, having been engaged to but not married to Mary Jane, and basically swinging around not able to make the rent. At what point would it have made more sense to switch to the Ultimate Spider-Man origin? Just change up everything if you feel you need to “free up” some story telling space? Why not just take Spider-Man back to square one of you are going to make him ten years younger?

In making Spidey younger, theoretically, this should have de-aged, or undid quite a bit of Marvel continuity, not the least of which being the original team of X-Men, but it did not. So if we simply assume that the original team of X-Men’s exploits happened at an early juncture it works a little better. And if we remove or shift a couple of other events it works a little better. So on and so forth. As I elucidated upon in “Outdating Origins” in an integrated comic book universe requires quite a bit of lining up in order from there to be the consistency required for crossover to occur. For over forty years Marvel had it down perfectly—until they retconned Spider-Man’s age. (Note: I am not a fan of One More Day—I feel the deal was stupid—but I am a fan of the Brand New Day storyline.) Now you have to do quite a bit of this kind of “continuity tetris” to make things line up and still there are gaps—so they took something perfect and fucked it up a little for no particularly good reason. It also shrinks the events of the Marvel Universe from a 17 year span to an 8 to 9 year span. A significant difference, indeed.

Captain America as Nomad

Which brings us back to origins, these origins need to be constantly updated or re-imagined to make characters fundamentally relatable to contemporary times. Captain America cannot have become Nomad in a world where Watergate occurred some 30 years before his reanimation. In fact Captain America’s entire modus operandi would play out differently in the 8-9 year continuity plan because in the world where Captain America woke up 9/11 was either just about to or had just happened. Waking up at the start of Dubya’s War or Terror would have a completely different effect on Cap’s world view than the 1960’s or even the 1990’s (pre-OMD). What difference would it have made to Captain America if he had thawed out in a world where instead of killing Krauts he was massacring Mohammadeans? It wouldn’t. And while I know this argument would eventually shift towards this scenario ten years from now the amount of time between “the present” and “the past” would allow for significant character development and realization to push along the plausibility of Cap’s middle of the road with liberal leanings world view.

This conundrum is much more germane to the Marvel Universe than the DC Universe. Marvel time and again tries to imagine it’s events happening in a “real world”. A real world with Spider-Men, Cosmic Cubes, Galacti (Galactuses?), and rock men called “Thing” instead of “Rockman”, that is. The DC Universe is a bit more flexible with the –ahem– reality. DC also regularly purges their timelines and universes in a much more bulimic way than Marvel. DC has had, at least, four major reboots in the past 25 years—all of which were Crises. Crisis on Infinite Earths purged all alternate realities and merged the major universes of DC’s Multiverse into a singular world, but not singular timeline. Zero Hour: Crisis in Time reordered the main timelines of characters with complicated origins like Hawkman, The Justice Society, and The Legion of Superheroes. Infinite Crisis undid the majority of the unnecessary retcons of the original Crisis. It left, instead of an endless number of multiple realities, one Prime Earth and 52 variations of choice alternate realities. Final Crisis…well it fucked everything up to a very confusing degree that actually opened DC up to have some fluidity to make it up as they go along.

DC Continuity, while often convoluted, is less reliant on single lynch pins in general. DC’s current “Age of Heroes” starts with the appearance of Superman, though Batman was already active, and that happened “10 years ago” or so. Superman might be considered to be the lynch-pin in the same way as Spider-Man because Superman is earnestly an adult in his early to mid 30’s in almost any main-continuity story. Sure, he marries Lois Lane but other than that he has very few life cycle milestones that denote any kind of aging. Also Superman’s appearance is “ten years ago” and his origin is actually his life story. Spider-Man’s origin is much more important to the continuity of Marvel because Spider-Man’s first appearance marks a point where a character starts aging and not where they perpetually remain.

Here’s a sticky wicket for you though—Superman is a newspaper journalist, or rather Clark Kent is. How long is that going to last? At what point does this become an anachronism? Eventually Superman is going to need a different job if he is going to remain a reporter. Either he will have to be a blogger, or internet news reporter which will leave him with a somewhat lessened degree of dual-personality fame, or a television (or other video media) news reporter which will make his disguise even less

Earth X 52

plausible than it already is. Also with the state of the American Farming Industry and satellite technology respectively being what they are it becomes less likely for Superman to have been raised on a farm, in secret, without having been found by the government somehow either before or after his ship lands on Earth.

Luckily, DC has 52 Earths in which they can attempt to revamp their character’s histories and characteristics without resorting to making deals with the devil. Enter Earth-One which is, by all accounts, DC’s second or third attempt at competing with Marvel’s Ultimate Universe—which is in a nut shell a reimagining of familiar characters from a contemporary point of view allowing for vastly or markedly different origins and relationships to develop and occur.

(SPOILER ALERT: If you plan on reading Superman: Earth One and plan on doing so…well you’ve already boosted my stats for the day so I don’t feel bad about you moving on to another installment of this blog or Letters to Jeremy… and neither should you!)

In Earth-One Superman is still only 20 years old. He is just starting out in the game, as a matter of fact he doesn’t even know what game he wants to play. He tries his hand


at science, pro-football, journalism, anything he can think of to help people without wearing tights—oddly enough a vocation his earthly parents are encouraging. Being simple farm people his mother can weave unbreakable threads and his father has a significant working knowledge of the nature of humanity and their fear of masks.

KISS meets Crow meets Silver Banshee

As it turns out though, a vast armada has been scouring the cosmos for the last Kryptonian as per some shadowy deal with unknown powers. This armada comes from a race that shared a solar system with Krypton and actually had a hand in the destruction of Superman’s homeworld. Their leader resembles a visual portmanteau of KISS and the Crow and seems to have no personality what-so-ever; in the 90’s he would have had three or four MacFarlane action figures by now.

In looking for a job young Kent finds that he can best service humanity by wearing a brightly colored ski-suit and writing therapeutic journalism where he interviews his two personalities and sells them to failing newspapers—effectively saving the company, and mayhaps the entire industry of print journalism!

Other than the age switch though, this doesn’t do much to alter or change the world of Superman. I think some of Jor-El and Lara’s dialogue might be paraphrased from Mario Puzo’s screenplay and John Byrne respectively. What it does do, however is at least nod at the world of today in respect to the world of 1938. It attempts to bring Superman to a relatable age for readers and makes him less concrete and resolute. His morals are certainly intact but his self-assurance, his confidence are somewhat in flux as he is still essentially a kid; a farm boy in the big city in fact.

This returns me to a question which actually will in the next few years begin to effect all established comic continuities—what to do about outdated origins? How long can Magneto be a Holocaust survivor? How long can Superman be a newspaper reporter? Or Spider-Man a newspaper photographer? When will Colossus no longer have grown up in Soviet Russia? Can Bruce Wayne have a ward?  How long can Green Arrow wear that beard? Very soon all of these origins will meet with significant change or become unrealistic. Will Earth-One and Ultimate Marvel eventually phase out the more familiar Earth-Prime and 616? Is that their –ahem– ultimate function? I’m not exactly sure. That might be the case—it would seem like good planning on the part of the creators and powers that be…which is exactly why I doubt it.

Why wear a mask?